pissed off!

*sorry there might be few offensive words. im emotionally disturbed now. YES u heard me.*

i seriously cnt tk this anymore! u know how irritating it is when ur yahoo messenger keep on sign in and out like every 2seconds???? i cnt even type one full sentence for god sake! i really dont know wht is the problem. to say tht my internet connection is bad, i dont think so. because i cn watch youtube without buffering, i cn dl one episode of lipstick jungle in 45minutes, just click any picture from fb or myspace it'll appear automatically. so why the hell my ym treating me like this???

im not the only one who got irritated with my stupid ym, my frens too. because i keep on popping on their screen saying im in and suddenly im out. forgive my useless ym people. i got soooo emotional i even treat you like shit, as in u r my problem and im deeply sorry. thnk god u undrstnd. ok sy siap hentak2 laptop jugak akibat bengang yg amat sgt dgn ym sy. i din mean to lappy, and i know u undrstnd me too.

im seriously giving up! i think i might end up with hypertension and stress jst because of this problem! i dont know wht to do. ohhhh people plisss help me. wht shud i do? like honestly im not an IT girl and know nothing about technology *tau siket lh*. shud i delete my ym and reinstall?? sy serious x boleh tahan ni. kalau lh boleh ckp ngn ym mmg dh maki hamun dia. haishhhh.

for the time being, i'll just appear invisible and plis buzz if theres importnt thing to tell. for the convenient of all, so tht im not disturbing ur screen anymore. *biar lh sy saket hati sorng*. and add me on msn reenlicious@hotmail.com because seriously msn nvr dissapoint me. yet.

*ini mmg entry emo. sy minta maaf sekali lg*

sayangi nyawa.

[ini kisah nyawa] i always wondering when i'll get the chance to see emergency cases like we routinely seen in televison when all the nurses and doctors do their job in a very tense situation, and as fast as they could, trying to safe man's life. being a doctor, they really need to be fast. in making decision as well as performing the action, like wht to give, wht to do, and wht is the alternative way if someone do not response with this n that, just in a split of second. its really challenging espicially in cases like this.

today, finally, theres one emergency case that we were allowed to see and join all the doctors in the emergency room! as soon as we came into the ER, theres a body lying on the stretcher, full with blood, especially at the head and face area, semiconcious. it was a man, construction worker, who had a fall from a high building *probably at his work place* with profuse bleeding! as a first timer i was really panicked, bt all the doctors looked really calm *yet very serious and fast* handling the situation.

with all the sounds of the ECG, and blood pressure machine, nurses going here and there fullfiling the doctors need, the man helplessly lying as in he allows whtevr they gonna do with his body as long as he will keep on living, and us, jst stand there not able to do anything, watching a man struggling for a life.

i cnt really explain wht the doctor actually does because it will be too complicated for you guys to understand bt i cn say that IV strips here and there, tubes *as big as ur thumb* inserted in the nasal cavity as well as in the mouth, with ventilator, and all the wires connctd to a machine, which no one ever wantd to be in condition like this.

now tht man has been shifted to the ICU, and doctors are going to do ultrasound and CTscan once he is in stable state. i hope when i come again to the hospital next tuesday, he will be alright or at least he will show a lil progress, and keep strong to survive.

saya tahu ajal maut itu di tangan ALLAH. tetapi kita kena selalu berusaha menjaga nyawa kita yg hanya diberikan sekali sehaja. sbb itu lah, melakukan sesuatu yang memudarat kan kesihatan itu di kira berdosa *contoh nye merokok* kerana kita seolah2 tidak menghargai nyawa yg ALLAH berikan. apatah lg membunuh diri, nauzubillah. jadi, sayangilah nyawa anda daripada kemalangan dan kecelakaan *mcm abng buruh tu* yang 90% daripadanya datang dari diri kita sendiri. i know im not a right person to speak about dosa and pahala, bt as a muslim kita kena selalu saling ingat mengingatkn antara satu sama lain bukan? :)

to my brother, mohamad najib, sayangi lh nyawa anda!

tanah air

i've made my decision! im going back to malaysia this coming holiday which is on 27th march to 11th april. and i've listed few relevance reasons y i shud go back *tho my first internal assessment is on 14th april, just 2days after i landed at bangalore airport*

1) i miss my family and org2 tersayang and they are my number one strength *lagi2 nk exam ni*

2) ticket price is very reasonable and affordable :)

3) the gap btween this holiday and the next holiday is like 6months!! if i dont go back nw, i'll meet my family like another 8months?? no no no!

4) i dont hv to cook, and i dont hv to spend on foods or anything. dpt mkn mknn yg SUNGGUH ENAK hasil mskn ibu tersayang!

5) i dont want to spend the whole 2WEEKS in bangalore sorng2.

6) SEBAB SY MMG NK BALIK :)

but the only problem now is, i hv to really discipline my self to sit and study at home *ok i nvr done this before* because my exam is like 2days after i arrived in bangalore, which theres zero possibilities for me to cover all the subjects within 2days *kalau sy xstudy kt rumah*. and im challenging myself to get a bttr marks than those who stay and giving exams as the reason not to see their family *i tell u they miss them alot actually*

saya tahu. sy juga tidak pernah membuka buku semasa di rumah. walaupon bersungguh2 bawak buku yg sangat berat. tetapi..kita kena lh berubah. HENDAK SERIBU DAYA, XHENDAK SERIBU DALIH BUKAN? ini adalah antara langkah2 yg akn sy ambil.

1) mengingatkn semua ahli keluarga saya utk mengingatkn sy utk belajar, dan tidak mempengaruhi sy utk terlalu bersuka ria.

2)pergi ke library, dan meninggalkan buku di library semasa pulang utk lunch di rumah, supaya sy mempunyai alasan untk datang blk ke library itu.

3)memotivasikan diri sendiri dan melawan sedaya upaya segala nafsu yg cuba menghalang!

4)tidak akn bawa balik duit langsong dr account bank sy.

so! its all up to you my dear friends. kasihan ibu bapa. seolah2 balik berjumpa mereka itu akn membuat kn kamu fail. ok ini pandangan sy. look deep into urself and u'll find the answer! as for me, im going back, and THATS THAT! :)

my reason, my unconditional love :)

p/s: It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

once upon a time.

gmbr hiasan semata2: sy ke commercial street sorng2 utk lunch hr ini :)

[once upon a time] my ambition ws to be an architect and only architect. i ws really inspired by ayah and proud to see all the houses, buildings, schools, etc etc etc designed by him. i used to help him do the coloring on the plan. like red for the roof and blue for the wall, *ok x berapa nk ingt dh color2 dia*. and many times when we were in the car passing few houses, he went like "rumah ni ayah yg designed, rumah ni pon, ni pon.." . isnt that great?

i used to love art, still loving it actually. ayah keeps on asking me everytime i designed my own tshirt, and shoes, and looking at my super nice handwriting *yg bagi dia mcm x sesuai je dgn doctor*, "buat double degree lh kak?" *as in medicine and art ke ape*. i wud love to. bt mayb after i completed this very challenging MBBS :)

[once upon a time] i really dont knw how to cook. and i nvr cook for myself. bt now, i am very sure that ibu is soooooo proud that i cn cook very well! like a pro *ok ini tipu* HAHAHA.
ibu: akak lunch ape hari ni?
me: ayam msk lemak cili api.
ibu: masak sendiri ke beli?
me: eh masak sendiri lh....
ibu: wah bagus2. nnti blk mlysia boleh msk.
i am proud of my self too. i nvr knew i cn cook this well. and im sure this talent is inherited from ibu. *ibu is very well known among her friends and families for serving a super delicious dishes* yg ni sumpah x tipu.

[once upon a time] i used to participate in all types of competition. especially in syarahan, debate, story telling, public speaking, and im soooo good in it. i represent johor for national level several times. and i cn consider myself as a tough competitor. i am not afraid at all to speak infront of thousands people. bt now, im not intrested anymore and i jst dnt knw why.

well, im not regret that im doing medicine nw bt not architecture. im proud that i cn cook. and i am disappointed i let down something i cn really outshine with, my speaking. so! whts ur [once upon a time]?

p/s: give a man a fish and u feed him for a day. teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

happy holiday

happy chinese new year to all chinese di seruluh dunia. tahniah lh kpd negara2 yg memberi cuti kpd rakyat nya. *ya india xcuti sbb cny ok?* hahaha. bt still...monday is a holiday for us too!! of course not because of cny, bt because of republic day of INDIA :)

i dont hv any issue to write for now, bt will definitely update as soon as i got the ideas. the picture below ws taken jst nw, b4 i went to ezzah's housewarming. we hd yassin reading and makan2 of course. the food was AMAZINGLY good n thanx for inviting us.

sungguh comel gadis ini kn? i wnt to wear this kind of tudung when the time comes :)

p/s: your mind will answer most questions if u learn to relax and wait for the answer

fall for u

i think im in love with my Dr! HAHAHA. but seriously, i really dont want to escape even one day of my clinical posting, i feel like going to the hospital everyday, and i really like it when he looked me in the eyes and clarify all my doubts. i like it when he smiles, i like it when hes with his patient and how he treat them.

he's very close to us. we cn even lepak together having coffee and discuss about the cases we seen in like a very informal way, *i dont think other med studnt gt this opportunity*. cn u imagine, a super senior surgeon ajak kita org tea break di tgh2 sesi pembelajaran? i sooooo love u! heh :)

and i wanna say thank u so much for making this MBBS really intresting, and your advice yg sumpah sampai terus ke hati tu, and for this semangat yg sy x pernah rs sebelum ni. yes, i fall for u Dr, of course in a right way.

p/s: he who wants a rose must respect the thorn

yes i am :)

yes i am. i am javanese. eventho not purely javanese bt still, PROUD to be one! my ancestors from ayah's side are originated from indonesia, and tho the culture and language have never been practised in our everyday life *even ayah dont know how to speak javanese language*, the blood is still in our body. of course im proud to inherit this "darah melayu" from ibu's side too :) how i wish i am really connected to my ancestors there, n how i wish i cn at least speak one or to words of javanese language. how i wish.

yes i am. i live in kota tinggi johor. a small town, not as fancy as ur place i supposed. bt enough to mk me n my family live happily until now. a place where i spent my childhood, my first time education, and my lifetime experienced.

i am not ashame to admit who i am. is it embarrassing to admit who u are, where u come from, or whtevr matters concern with life? then y shud u? i've been mingling with all sorts of people and i cn really see whos real and whos not.

so stop being ashamed, stop telling lies, stop hiding things. just be proud for who u are and others will respect u for that. be proud of something u r not, and others will just laugh n smile.

p/s:be who u are and say what u feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind :)

phenomenal

as you know in fashion, one day u are in and the next day u are out. i'm sure everyone of us has their own fashion icon, or idol or whatevr u call them. be it simple, high fashion, versatile, classic, vintage, rock, gothic, etc etc etc.

i know we realize that this phenomena or i rather say TREND keeps on changing from time to time. not just in fashion, instead in everything. gadgets, foods, musics,...ok ANYTHING. and everybody has their own right to be part of it. lets quote some examples here.

1) [fashion] we hardly seen people wearing leggings, skinny jeans, fedora, head band, long necklaces, oversized sunglasses and bags, gladiator shoes, etc etc etc, few years back. but now everybody owns one. its not that there are newly found/invented/designed/created. in fact, they existed since our mom's teenage time. this is what we called TREND.

so what if your shoes, or bags, or dresses, or whatever is exactly like others? they did not designed it just for ourself isnt it? even limited edition is not that limited after all. that is why theres a slot in magazines, "which celebrity wear it best". dont we all love competition? well i do :)

2) [gadgets] digital camera is the fanciest thing everyone could hve 2 to 3 years back. now, dslr camera is the in thing, even to those who do not know how to operate n use it to its fullest function *including me, i asked ayah to buy me one for my birthday and HONESTLY its not because of its function, bt because i find it cool to hang it around my neck, tp x beli pon*. not to mention ipod, iphone and whtevr i-thing they hv in the market, its all become TREND.

lots of people own a dslr camera now, bt dont u think only the one who is talented and artistic, captured the most beuatiful pictures? so, if they wanna hv it, let them! because only the best man wins :)

3) [others] in-thing: cupcakes, e-shopping, indi-music etc etc etc.

contoh: crocs, so what kalau semua org pon ade crocs? ::me n tey::

so ape yg saya nk ckp di sini adalah, theres no such thing like siapa tiru siapa, and there should not be any issues like i buy it first so u cnt buy, i pakai dulu so u xboleh pakai, or whtevr maybe the reasons. to those who i accidentally bought the same stuffs like yours, im sorry. n to those who accidentally/purposely bought anything exactly like mine, i dont mind at all, cause i know i wear it best :) HAHAHA.

p/s:on matters of style, swim with the current, on matters of principle, stand like a rock :)

thank you

1) thank you for the tears n joy.

2) thank you for keeping the secrets that sometimes we unintentionally hide from ibu and ayah.

3) thank you for always be there whenvr i really need someone to talk to, to listen, to cry on, to gossip, to evrything.

4) thank you for the money i owed, the time u spent, and the things that we share.

5) thank you for this greatest bonding, that i dont think i cn live without.

p/s:just because people change and move on with life, it doesnt mean that they love u any less.

normal kah?

when i first arrived here in bangalore, i hardly spent my weekends on my own. the option is either go shopping with my friends, watch movies, or at least do something unbeneficial just to kill the time. and i really enjoyed myself doing those kind of things.

but the situation differs now. none of the messages i've got from esprit,tommy hilfiger,spriengfield and many others telling tht they are having major discount could attract my temptations to go n shop. its been ages since i last visited a cinema. and im not really into socializing with my friends n keeps on declining them.and i prefer to stay home and hv time for myself.

what is happening to me? normal kah sy? or is this just a seasonal disorder and im going to recover soon? or hv i reached a point "that i hd enough n its time to be serious"? or bcause of my concious awareness that im not going to spend my money on something unnecessary? or am i really losing my talent to waste my money n time? hahah!

and no matter wht the reason is, i hope everybody cn accept and understand my situation :)

p/s:true friends come in a good times when we tell them to, and come in the bad times without calling.

unconditional love.

ibu called me jst now. and we had the same conversation as we always did. i cn really hear the sound of joy and happiness of my family thru the phone *perhaps they r all wathcing AJL together* and how i wish i was there too.

ibu:akak balik x bulan march ni?
me:xtau lh lg. tp semua org mcm dh bz2 je beli tckt
ibu:balik je lh..cuti2 mlysia lg. jln2 india lain kali pon boleh.
me:OK!! (dengan riang nye)

its only been 1week since i came bck from mlysia. n now ibu encourages me to go back again. i understand wht she's trying to say. selagi ayah ngn ibu ni masih ada, rajin2 lh kamu balik. nnti kalau dh xde, kamu nk tour mana2 pon suka hati kamu (dalam bahasa kasar nya).

i cn really see a point there. im not trying to act like a spoilt yg asyik nk balik je every holiday. i just dont want to regret one day that i din spend my time with ibu and ayah semasa mereka masih ada. i love u ibu. i love u ayah :)

p/s:it is better to be hated for what u r, than to be loved for wht u r not.

a real sign!

OMG! i've jst posted about "people change" yesterday and how im going to cahnge myself. n surprisingly, i've got a REAL sign that im really doing a right thing! HAHAHA. this morning while my maid cleaning up my room, suddenly my bag holder falls off!! *oh FYI i've got hundreds of bagssss* and now idk what to do!
to my bag holder: im sorry i've been overdosed you. n thanks for holding it this long :)

and because of this incidence, i realized how i really dont need another bag and how i cn save my money from spending it to something i already have. perubahan utk berjimat cermat lah katakan :). and the best part is......i've found quite amount of money yg terselit2 in those bags yg dh bersepah atas lantai semasa mengemas2 nye! isnt that nice??? so! the moral of the story is, x susah pon nak berubah sbnrnye and i thank ALLAH for making it easier for me! the only problem now is, mana nk letak bag2 ni semua??? hmmmh..

p/s: tidak akan ada kejayaan tanpa perlu bersusah susah.

people change.

i was amazed. how people cn change drastically. i read one of my brother's post. i nvr knw it ws existed until nw. i almost shed my tears reading it. mayb i am too emotional, and mayb because i cn really feel the sincerity of him. http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=1302176&blogID=446249845 now i realized, people change when they really wanna change. i am so proud of u, my brother.

well me too. im in a transition state nw. to be a bttr person. n i am trying hard to:

1)tidak lg meninggal kn solat fardhu *especially subuh*
2)berjimat cermat
3)study bersungguh2
4)menjadi seorang yg sentiasa disenangi oleh semua org.

i knw its hard. with people badmouthing about me when im trying to be good. they laughed n making fun of me because they thot i wont nvr changed.. i just hope this is the best for me. n this spirit to change wont fade away. n thanks to u for your support, i cnt nvr do this alone.

p/s: ALLAH tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum, melainkan kaum itu mengubah nasib nya sendiri.

my first time

i just love my surgery posting! and to hv the ever dearest Dr.manohar as our surgeon incharged is a double love for me :) i am so impressd with his devotion and enthusiasm, teaching us from the very begining like a kindergarten teacher teaches ABC. he never scold, not even raising his voice but somehow theres somthng inside him that makes everyone of us respect him very much.

one day,while we were waiting for Dr.manohar in his room, came ths middle-aged lady looking for him. she looked at us n smile, knowing that we are the medical students and to be precised, Dr.manohar's student, she suddenly said

"u r all medical studnts right? u r very lucky to hv Dr.manohar. he's very good and kind. still here doing his job with all his courage and spirit to share the knowledge with u. he's one of a kind, n very rare to find"

and when Dr.manohar came in, theres silence. after discussing with that lady about somthng we could nt undrstnd because of the language, she thanked our Dr like a zillionth times. so i assume shes one of the patinet's relative. somehow i cn feel how close he is with his patient. n to them our Dr.manohar is like their god.

n ths was my first time getting the chance to see how the surgery is done. of course we r not allowed to even touch anythng. for the first few minutes everythng goes well. and..and....suddenly!! hahah. i feel like fainting, nauseous, haishhh mcm2 lh lg.so i went out from the OT for few minutes, minum2 air sikit, tarik nafas n masuk balik OT. n after the surgery is successfully done, one of my friends askd "sbb darah td ke?" i was like, eh bongok nye, klu takut darah xde lh nk jd doktor kottttt. tp xckp lh. it was possibly because of the smell of whtevr medication n antiseptic inside the OT, smell exactly like a disection hall, full with the cadavers.

so thats all for now. my first time experienced wasnt that bad after all. n i hope one day, i cn b a successful n respectful doctor, jst like our beloved DR.MANOHAR :)