sorry. tiada motif.

erghh dr pagi asyek lh membaca microbiology yg ade test monday ni. tp mcm ssh gila nk masuk dlm kepala otak. xsuka microb! rasa mcm nk biar je lh, mls baca dh. tp rs bersalah pulak kt diri sendiri!

so skrng amat lh bosan xtau nk buat apa. td sempat tgk cerita rachel getting married. bertambah bosan jadi nya. sbb xbest lngsong. apa yg saya harus buat skrng?? karaoke sorng2 lg dan syok sendiri? tgk satu lg movie? atau terus kn usaha membaca microb?? sbb sy xde jawapannya, maka sy mahu tidur. walaupon skrng bru pukul 1030pm.

so! good night people! ZZzzZz~

wish lists.

this is the first item on my wish list. as in for now. no i dont need more clothes by showing my wardrobe pic, bt i need an external wardrobe! i dont know wht we call that thing, yg ade dua besi kt tepi, and satu batang besi kt tgh2, and kita gantung2 je tu guna hanger. ha! hrtu blk mlysia dh nk bwk dh, tp mcm leceh je so ingt nk beli kt sini je, tapi MASYALLAH, harga dia nk tau berapa? rs3000. ha lebih kurng rm280. mahal nye!! erghh. bt i really need it, or else satu wardrobe tu roboh jap lg. *ni baru tunjuk dua pintu, satu pintu xamek lg, as well as yg berlipat2 kt bawah, and dlm luggage lg*

oh ingt kh kamu semua dgn tmpt gantung bag saya yg roboh tu? ha xbeli2 lg yg baru dr hrtu. skrng ni ia berdiri dgn bersandar pada tingkap, dan kadang2 bila x stable dia jatuh either ke kiri atau ke kanan, dan penat ok nk angkat dn susun balik bag2 tu! td xde kerja, sy kira bag sy ade berapa, jumlah nye ialah 32. sungguh buruk perangai sy ni!! and the conclusion is, i need a new bag hanger *bkn bag ok* :)

nmpk x akan daki2 di sekeliling? mungkin dlm gmbr x nmpk. tp reality nye sgt lh berdaki. ewwwww. yg ni serious nk kene beli baru. nk basuh, tp xtau mcm mane nk basuh. *alasan baikkk punya*

perfume j.lo tu dh tnggl setitik dua, incanto shine ni pulak bau dia xkuat sgt. tp suka je. nnti kalau ada duit xtra mana2 nk cuba perfume lain. d&g ke valentino ke? :)

ya allah tgk gmbr je pon dh kesian kn?? org punya lh dok pakai i phone lh, side kick lh, saya, dh lh samsung, polyphonic pulak tu! hahaha. bt as i told u, im not into technology thingy *thts y i put it on the least*, tp kalau ade org nk bg, atau ayh nk belanja ke, ape salah nye :p

CONGRATULATIONS :)

si budak bijak, nur amaleina abu latifei :)

"Congratulations! You have been admitted to the University of Wisconsin. We have mailed your official letter of admission and admission materials". OMG!! i am soooo happy and proud! and i want to share this with the whole world!! hahaha! to be the one who knew the news even sooner than amal herself *ohh mind u internet kt INTEC tu mmg mcm harammm kelajuannya, sbb tu saya yg check kn*, im texting her with a BIG GRIN as if im the one whos going to Wisconsin :D

but no one could be happier than herself ryte? as well as her parents. i just wanna say CONGRATULATIONS again! *xtau berapa byk kali dh ckp* and i knew u gonna mk it :) since im going for a europe trip this winter *insyallah*, nampak nya next winter pg U.S pulak lh! haha. seronok nyeeeee!! lagi2 u dh ada kt sana, mmg bwk 1000usd pon cukup! kn amal? hahahah!

whtevr it is, keep up the good work as well as ur pointer! i know theres lot more offers to come *ssh kn jd budak bijak ni* bt since one of it is already a positive yes, theres nothing much to worry about right? ok i repeat. im so happy and so so so proud of u!

XoXo :)

im done!

1] thank god all those tests and seminars are over now *i mean for this week*. done with pathology test on inflammation and healing, AIDS seminar *eventho i escaped :p*, and not to forget that nerve-wrecking-pharmacology-seminar! but just so u know, being a medical student, all such things will never come to an end! we hv microbiology test coming up next week, as well as our first internal assessment exam in april, and in between, seminars and tutorials as usual! bla bla bla....

2] im done trusting people. i hate it when someone lie to me, straight to my face. i know, everybody deserves a second chance. bt when theres too many chances given to them, thats when they neglect it. and there will be one point, tht we'll realised they just dont deserve it anymore. im sorry. i cnt trust u ever again, because i've reached that point now. how i wish u din lie :(

3] i ALMOST done waiting. less than a month from now, im going back to malaysia again. weheeeeee. eventho this time, my holiday will be a bit challenging because i need to bring the books and SERIOUSLY read it, i know its going to be a worth one, as long as i got to see ibu, ayah and my family :))

4] well i heard the rumours that we are going to change to OBG *obstetrics and gynecology* posting next week. hopefully it wasnt true. because im not yet ready to leave :( i havnt done hving fun in the operation room. all the surgeons are super COOL and HANDSOME and i really cant get enough of them, and i dont know most of their name yet! how cn i leave? no no no. all the surgery cases are wayyyyyyyy interesting than any other posting and im not ready to be bored! bt sooner or later, its still going to happen so i'll accept it, eventho its HARD *ok so exaggerating*

photos that we took before the doctors call us into the O.T, who knows this might be the last time, bt hopefully NOT!

holy quran.

i had a nice talk with ayah this evening. he seems to call me very frequent nowadays. maybe he missed me, and maybe because he thought that im big enough and theres more instresting issues that we cn discuss with. whtevr maybe the reason, i just wanna say, dont worry ayah im going back soon :)

in the middle of the conversation, ayah suddenly asked,

"ayah: skrng dh bljr part mane dh in human body?

me: part2 tu semua dh habes time first year. waktu bljr anatomy.

ayah: ohhh kire nye skrng, everything in human body is at the tip of your fingers lh? ok, ade berapa byk sendi dlm tubuh badan manusia?

me: sendi? ape tu?

ayah: sendi tu joints lh.

me: ala....xtau lh total ade berapa...

ayah: ha, dlm al-quran ade sebut, setiap manusia itu telah diciptakan dgn 360 sendi. bkn setakat sendi je yg dicerita, tulang kt bahagian tangan, dan macam2 lg."

aishah, ibu, dan ayah syg :)

saya rasa mcm tertampar dgn soalan ayah, lebih2 lagi soalan itu tidak dapat dijawab oleh saya, seorang pelajar perubatan, yg sudah pon tamat belajar subjek anatomy, dan skrng berada di tahun dua. sedangkan ayah, bukan lh bekas pelajar jurusan sains pun, tau serba serbi tentang itu ini. dan rahsia nya cuma satu. al-quran.

ayah never failed to read quran everyday, despite of his busy and tiring worklife. i dnt knw how many times ayah had finished *khatam* reading it. because it has become his routine, he can even corrected ibu's reading without looking at the quran. how i respect you, my father.

that is why ayah knows pretty much about anything that i asked. pretty much about life, which i observed, even something which is not in his field, and now i know the secret. saya yakin, bahawa semua umat islam sedar betapa hebat dan lengkap nya al-quran. cuma kita je yang jarang2 hendak membuka dan membaca nya. saya juga tidak terkecuali, walaupun ayah xjemu2 nasihat kn baca al-quran selalu, setiap kali dia telefon.

well, todays incident mk me realised. and i promised myself to get a quran with the terjemahan, so that my reading after this will be more meaningful, as im not reading it blindly without knowing the meaning. and hopefully i'll become a woman who'll know pretty much about something that i nvr get from my formal education, just like ayah. insyallah :)

p/s: whoever loves to meet Allah, Allah loves to meet him.

EXCLUSIVE!

ok i seriously got nothing bttr to do. despite of hving tons of readings to be done, im enjoying myself karaoke-ing alone in my room! hahah! :) so im giving a link down there, maybe u wanna hear something diffrnt from wht u used to hear, or release the tense of studying for a moment, why not spending 2minutes, listen to my precious voice! oh mind u, im not siti nurhaliza or leona lewis, so dont put high expectation ok? this is just for fun :D so...enjoy people!

http://www.ziddu.com/download/3601312/sway-raihan.mp3.html

to amal: boleh lh u menari dgn lagu baru i lps ni. HAHA !
to others: i cn handle critics. seriously :)

ajib, where r u?

u used to leave one/two comments on my blog, bt u nvr do that nw. maybe u dont even read my blog anymore. u used to buzz me sometimes when u on9, i supposed u r busy chatting with your frens, and i undrstnd that. i wanna call bt im pretty sure, phone is one of the thing that u never fancy in ur life. im so worried when u said that ur asthma attack is getting worse. i hope u r ok now. its hard to believe, bt i kinda miss the feeling to know that u r watching me, even from far.

im sorry if i ever hurt u, i swear to god i din mean to. ajib, pliss come back.

me in person

1) i am too lazy to tag other people actually.

2) i dont sleep on my bed if the bed sheet is not tidy enough. *sanggup tegang kn dulu, then baru naik katil utk tido*

3) i used to cycle with my dad and his colleagues every weekend. i mean LONG cycle, yang ramai2 tu. and im so proud im the youngest :)

4) i wanna breast feed all my children, no matter how busy i am. i respect such professional and busy career woman who breast feed their babies and im going to be one!

5) i cant wait to spend my money that i earn on MY OWN on designers stuff. a versace lab coat perhaps? HAHA !

6) i smile a lot. even to strangers. and im expacting you to smile back!! yes.

7) i dont fancy too sexy apparel. and i find tht guy who loves to see their gf/wife's wearing top with half boobs popping out *dan sewaktu dgn nya*, in public is STUPID. like hello?? save it for yourself!

8) i think i am a perfectionist. i settle everything before i go to sleep. so that i dont hv to be all mess up the next day. and yeah, blame my horoscope. im a virgo.

9) im still using the same phone that ayah gave me. and that was like 3 years back? im just not into technology-thingy thts why i care less.

10) i envy those girl who is beautiful, rich, of course the one with BRAIN, and perangai x mcm harammmm :)

11) ohhh! im going for a europe trip this coming winter. insyallah. yeayyy!

12) i still cant believe, that im in india now doing medicine! which means, im surely becoming a doctor one day, and doctor is wht my job is! whoaaaa not bad huh? Dr.raihan :)

13) i dont understand why guys are sooo much into games. like dota and all. but mayb thats the same reason guys never undrstnd why girls are sooo into shopping. hahah. ok fair and square!

14) i hate to wait. but they always keep me waiting! erghh. tolong lh punctual siketttt people!

15) i eat a lot. but i hardly gain weight. and i think thats one of my privileges :)

16) i hate chemistry. i shud hv got straight A's for spm, bt thanx to u i got B for chemistry. bt i dont blame the fate. the blame is all on me, i knw.

17) i cry first, then i think. even when im stress, even when thers too many things to be done, even when im hurt, even when im mad. ok even in everything. but at least i THINK after that??

18) i only hv one grandma left. thats why i value tok mak very much. we visit her like twice a week. shes still hail and healthy tho! i love u tok mak :)

19) i kinda miss my high school days. i miss the people, i miss the school, the environment, the memories. i consider it to be one of the most memorable chapter in my life. once SSPian, forever SSPian! yeahh!

20) i used to play squash. even a president back then in ssp * woot woot :) *. i play volleyball. so good in serving! haha. i participated in futsal competition in matrix. and we won kot? *ok x ingt*. after all im not that LOSER in sports :D

21) i once use bearshare to download everything, and people say im lame. hahahah! comel ok bearshare??

22) i dont curse. unless im extremely mad. i personally think it is unethical. especially for girls.

23) i enjoy spending my time on my own now. like go anywhere alone. so that i dont hv to talk to anyone in the auto, to deal with all the kerenah and all. and i dont really need others opinion in buying things because i always mk a nice choice :)

24) i dont go clubbing. is not that i hate clubbers, its just the fact that the environment inside there with people drink, smoke, taking pills *as if we dont knw*, mk me feel sick. of course not all clubbers do that, bt i just feel tht its unhealthy.

25) ohh im done! bt i really feel like adding some more! cn i mk it to 30?? HAHAH !

spice up your life :D

someone told me that i need to post few pictures as well so that my blog wont look as boring as it is right now. so heres my first attempt. HAHAHA. njoy :))

lets do it!

peristiwa semalam:

seperti biasa kami lambat lagi sampai ke kolej untuk sekian kalinya. ini semua disbbkn oleh budak2 yg xreti2 nk siap awal utk ke kelas *class start 8.30 boleh pulak bas kene tggu dia siap and around 8.20 baru gerak* dgn kesesakan lalu lintas di bangalore ni, mmg pasti xkn sampai kolej sblm 8.30.

setiba nya kami di kolej, kene pulak naik tangga yg amat lh tingginya sbb pathology lab di tingkat 5. ye tingkat 5. maka kami pon mengambil inisiatif utk naik lif saja lagi2 dah lambat ni. *mau amek 5minit nk naik tangga tu smpai lab, and sampai2 pasti akan tercungap2 masuk kelas*. sedang kami menunggu utk pintu lif terbuka, datang lecturer pharmaco, Dr.ramesh *head of paharmacology department ok??* nk naik lif jugak. tiba2 dia menegur kami.

"why are you girls waiting for the lift to go to the class? as a very young lady you should walk and use the stairs. its such an exercise for you guys. this lift is meant for us, old people like us. go! walk!"

ha! amek kau! sebijik kene kt muka masing2. muda2 dh malas. ish ish ish.

i admit. im not living my life as healthy as i shud. i mean as someone whos going to be a doctor in 4years time *insyallah*, how cn i eat whtevr i feel like eating, i dont do exercesie *SO BAD!!*, i sleep A LOT, i eat and sleep simultaneously, and the food im eating is not healthy. AT ALL. and i dont walk! ok i think im going to die at the age of 35! oh nooooo!!

like seriously, i always imagine myself as a mother who will look as fit, young, and pretty as my 16years old daughter, who can spend the whole day shopping together without getting tired, who can run, jump, or do whtevr other things, ENERGETICALLY! bt how cn i achieved that with this kind of lifestyle??

i need to do something, dont you guys think? i may not be fat *sila terima kenyataan org yg xpuas hati sy kurus* HAHA, bt im not HEALTHY! ok i feel like hating myself so much right now! maybe theres nothing much i cn do with my food intake, like seriously, who cn resist all the fried, cheesy, sweet, and tasty food! i once spotted my physiology doctor, having her lunch at razzmatazz, nicely eating one big burger, with a cup of coke. aha! see? even she cnt resist!

i personally think that, we cn eat whtevr we feel like eating, but we hv to burn it back as much as we eat! *cakap pandai buat x jugak*. since i cant compromise with my food issue, i need to do something to mk sure all these extra cholestrols and sugars in my body is excreted out in any ways. so here are some little things that i have in mind, to start my-so-called-new-healthy-lifestyle:

1) i will definitely walk to class from now. as in naik tangga, walaupon smpai tingkat 5!
2) im going to reconsider taking dance class, as recommended by nana. * u knw right that dancing mk u sweat like hell??*
3) i wanna cycle again.
4) i really need to buy a sport shoes so that there will be no reason for me not to jog!
5) oh! and i think im going to buy a skipping rope! so that i cn jump up and down at home. *since i cnt afford to waste my money for gym!*

so people! lets do it with me! i know i know. its not as easy as its sound right? bt the effort that matters! im happy enough if i cn do 2 to 3 things from wht i've listed above. and we'll see how it goes :)

p/s: the only real failure in life is the failure to try!

bobobobo~

1)What have you been doing recently?

finishing my pathology record book.

2)Do you ever turn your cell phone off?

yes. when im extremely mad with someone. *konon2 mcm tunjuk perasaan* heh!

3)What happened at 10am today?

examining someone's tummy. at the hospital of course.

4)when did you last cry?

mmm..3days back?

5)Believe in fate/destiny?

absolutely.

6)What do you want in your life now?

wish it could be easier, SERIOUSLY.

7)Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put up your hood?

neither. its like very rare to hv rain here in bangalore, so it doesnt really matter.

8)What's your favourite thing to do on the bed?

sleep. watching movies.

9)What bottoms are you wearing now?

blue shorts.

10)Whats the nicest things in your inbox?

which inbox?

11)Do you tend to make the relationship complicated?

you mean theres really someone out there who intentionally mk a relationshp complicated by asking ths? sheeeeeshh so BAD!

12)Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone?

nope.

13)What was the last movie you caught?

body of lies. HAHA. i dont really go for this kind of movies actually, bt thts wht happn when i really dont hv anything to do.

14)What are you proud of?

myself and my family :)

15)What does the oldest text msg in your inbox say?

ntah. mls nk tgk.

16)What was the last song you sang out loud?

kiss me thru the phone!

17)Do you have any nicknames?

akak *family members*, reen *given by vivy*, si comel *ok muntah skrng* HAHA !

18)What does the newest text say?

an usher to the seaon in its fresh hues and brilliance. ESPRIT launches the much reviving spring and summer collection for u to revel in. spring is here, where r u? available at VITTAL MALLYA ROAD store only. like seriously?? kene ke hntr mlm2? and bila org tgh xde duit? erggh. annoying!

19)What time did you go to bed last night?

around 12.

20)Are you currently happy?

definitely :D

21)Who gives you the best advise?

ayah dan ibu, TRUE frens, amal.

22)Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?

never done before. but i LOVE whipped cream. i think i might do that :D

23)Who did you talk on the phone last night?

amal

24)Is something bugging you now?

yeahhh. i was thinking, is it necessary for me to tag 8 people back? im sorry to break the chain, bt if anybody feels like doing ths survey, go ahead :)

25)Who was the last person to make you laugh?

ibu. i can hear shes asking my dad "ni sape ni" before ayah handed the phone to her when they calld me jst nw. hahaha. she really learns from her mistake! job well done ibu :)

bad one !

hye everyone :)
my topic for today is bad breath! yeahhh hows that sound? i noticed that some people really have problem with their mouth odour. not to say that i nvr had bad breath ever, bt i cn consider during certain times when im fasting, or when im too hungry and i less talk i may hv it. and im avoiding myself from opening my mouth or talking happily with someone really close to me when im having one because i know how unpleasant it is!

but the problem here, i din get it why some people really cant bearly notice how bad their breath is and keep on opening their mouth as widely as they can, as in they cnt even smell it. *ok i know its gross right*. but seriously, it is GROSS. how i wish i am that mean to ask them to shut their mouth or at least kurangkan bercakap apabila mulut berbau, because no kidding it is embarrassing people!

well maybe they got dental problems right? which 80% of bad breath accounts from it. then go see ur dentist?? or maybe they hv hygienic issues? please, brush your teeth AT LEAST twice a day, and use mouth wash! their foods?? yeah, avoid garlic and onion boleh? ok mayb its fine for dinner. bt not during peak time when u mingling with everybody! and drink a lot of water after u eat so that any food particle left in ur mouth cn be rinsed off! ohhh smoking. big issue! chew sugarless gum before u even try to open ur mouth ok? or just QUIT? *i knw i knw not easy* fine!

so pretty please people! take care of your oral hygiene. and have this self realization not to let anyone smell your bad mouth odour by talking too much. at least to me. because i find it really humiliating and embarrassing. and irritating too! *i try to hold my breath as long as i could when they talk to me, bt they talk soooo much i just couldnt hold it any longer* DAYM!

p/s: menjaga kebersihan itu adalah sebahagian daripada IMAN :)

my sHERO!

money money money

1) i can easily fill my shopping bag with anything that i find cute and nice, but she always have the problem of choosing things and i'll end up broke and she'll go back home happily with hundreds of ringgit left in her purse!

2) im such a big spender *obviously* and she is soooo good in saving her own money.

3) i never refuse everytime ayah insists to give me money, but shes somehow berat hati nk terima unless she really needs it! *sumpah mulia dia ni* HAHAH.

attitude!

1) shes such a sleepy head!! sy pon kuat tido jugak tp dia lg teruk. sumpah x tipu.

2) dia ni suka sgt burp kuat2!!! *ok nk emo dh ni* hahah! saya pantang ok??? eventho shes not doing it in public, bt still??? *buruk perangai!!* which i wont never do such thing ever!!

3) shes having the attitude yg kalau kita satu family nk keluar mana2, semua org kene tunggu dia siap! time tu lh nk mndi, nk iron tudung lh, macam-macam. and so far sy xpernah lg buat org tggu saya.

4) dia sangat menjaga solat nya :) kalau kita keluar shopping ke apa, dia adalah inisiatif nk cari surau kt mana. saya kalau ayah x call suruh cari surau dan sembahyang, mungkin x cari. *tp skrng sy dh berubah siket* alhamdulillah.

5) saya x boleh hidup dalam bilik yg bersepah, dan semua adik2 x suka saya sbb selalu membebel bila bilik x kemas, tp dia semua benda pon xkesah!

appearance :)

1) shes wearing her tudung. im not. yet. dan dia juga menjaga aurat nya. shes not a kind of girl yang pakai tudung, tp kalau amek gambar xpakai tudung tu tayang2 kt fb, ms,fs dan sebagai nya. yang satu dunia boleh nampak. dia pantang ok letak gmbr dia xpakai tudung kt mana2.

2) im thinner and slimmer of course. HAHAH. sorry.

3) kita selalu share2 baju time kecik2. sekarang mmg BIG no no lh kn. handbag boleh lh kot. HAHAH.

others.

1) i dont mind lending her money *xpernah lg dia mintak* hahah, and of course she dont mind lending hers too :)

2) we talk about everything. maybe because of our age. shes 19.

3) we both cn lean on each other and im pretty sure of that.

4) she never wants to be a doctor! pernah merajuk kunci diri dalam bilik bila ayah suruh pergi egypt buat medic. HAHAHA. *kau ni lawak lh weiiii*

5) ohhh! and we both hate CHEMISTRY. yeah no doubt about it.

semua org ada kebaikan dan keburukan masing2 bkn? siapa pon kita, berusaha lh utk memperbaiki kelemahan diri sendiri :) and yes, my shero is you, ATHIRAH BINTI MOHD MA'MON.

i miss u both, tey n eja :(

p/s: consider how hard it is to change yourself, and u'll understand what little chance u have in trying to change others.

specially for you.

09.02.09

ok im sure u r going to be sooo touched and surprised. hahah! well im your sweetest sister remember? *ok sila muntah skrng* just wanna wish u AGAIN, happy birthday!! OMG u r 23 now?? hope u really had a blast celebration with ur gf, and ur frens :)

semoga apa yang kau mintak kt ALLAH dimakbulkan, semoga apa yang kau cari dah pun kau temui, semoga perjalanan hidup kau semakin dipermudahkan oleh Nya, semoga kebahagian dan ketenangan sentiasa ada dgn kau. dan semoga kau menjadi insan yg lebih berguna apabila sudah tua ni. HAHAH!

thank you for being such a responsible brother to all of us!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER, MOHAMAD SUFIAN :)

dysmenorrhea

dysmenorrhea is the medical term for menstrual cramps. so yes im going to share with you guys few information about this topic because im sure lots of you out there had experienced cramps before, or at least your girlfriend, or your mom, your sister or whoever.

well menstrual cramps can range from mild to severe. Mild menstrual cramps may be barely noticeable and of short duration, sometimes felt just as a sense of light heaviness in the belly. Severe menstrual cramps can be soooo painful that they interfere with a woman's regular activities for several days. which in my case, im experiencing SEVERE menstrual cramps, EVERY month, WITHOUT FAIL!

you know how traumatic i am, everytime i go to the toilet to check, and when i see blood, i went like "shoot! here it comes". because i know, no no, im SURE, 110% sure that the pain is going to be there. sometimes i just wish that i cn skip my menstrual so that i dont hv to deal with this pain. bt wht to do, my menstrual cycle is normal. so far.

so what causes menstrual cramps? ok each month, our uterus lining will be shed off if theres no pregnancy, and will be replaced by a new lining. When the old uterine lining begins to break down, molecular compounds called prostaglandins are released. These compounds cause the muscles of the uterus to contract. When the uterine muscles contract, they constrict the blood supply (vasoconstriction) to the endometrium.

This contraction blocks the delivery of oxygen to the tissue of the endometrium which, in turn, breaks down and dies. After the death of this tissue, the uterine contractions literally squeeze the old endometrial tissue through the cervix and out of the body by way of the vagina. Other substances known as leukotrienes, which are chemicals that play a role in the inflammatory response, are also elevated at this time and may be related to the development of menstrual cramps.

and of course there are possibilities too tht other problems cn lead to dysmenorrhea. such as ovarian cyst, narrow cervical, retroverted uterus, cancer and other pathology conditions. which worries me A LOT. i think im going to see our gynaecologist to diagnos my problem. i cnt bear the pain. it is sooooo painful. rasa mcm nk terberanak ok? and its like EVERY month. i repeat EVERY. saya menangis jugak kadang2 atas katil sbb sakit dia allah saja yg tahu. i hope there wont be any serious problem with me.

to woman out there, dont worry because it is a normal thing to hv dysmenorrhea. almost 50% of us around the world, experiencing the same thing. but to those who might think there might be other problems immediately see ur gynaecologist.

so all u cn do is lie down, rest and sleep *susah kot nk tido tgh sakit* and apply a heating pad to your abdomanal area which cn help to relieve the pain and congestion. kalau saya, saya x suka telan pil mesntrual tu tp kalau korang rasa tu boleh hilang kn sakit, telan lh. and wht others can do *org2 sekeliling* is, jadilah org yang memahami. sakit ok???

p/s: two barrels of tears will not heal a bruise.

im replying you, because ayah cant.

http://notyoursaviour.blogspot.com/2009/02/im-fucked-up.html

i just dont knw why. i cried so bad before im writing this entry and im sure im going to cry again. yes brother, im replying you now because we both know ayah wont. im not trying to be on anyone's side, im just telling you how i feel.

dont you know how much ayah and ibu love you? cnt u even feel it? its always you who got whtever u want, whtever u asked for, they try their very best to give it to u. dont u realise that they give u money EVERYDAY? that we, other siblings never gt tht privileged? and we used to get jelous of u, do you knw that? do you know how much they have spent on u, on ur college fees,
on ur cigarette, on ur medications, and they never complained.

i cn still remember u once left home for one whole week when u were 15 or 16. ibu used to cry, and ayah was so worried, and i even thot of losing u when theres no news and no ways to contact u. and when u finally came back, everybody was soooo happy. cnt u see how everyone loves you?

we are not the diamond in the family, u are. u think its easy for us to be where we are now? do you know how much time i spent on my books at night while u were having fun with ur frens or sleeping nicely on ur bed? do you know how abang struggled with his studies and how much work he did to anable him to go to aussie? do you know how much tey hates chemistry but she have to like it because thres no other way to pass the exam?

you knw ayah always wanted to send you to music school because he feels that it is something u'll outshine with, you'll enjoy doing it and u r so talented in it. and i just dont know why you dont want to go, untill now. i thot music is ur passion. just so you know, ayah let you choose and he never forced you.

ape yang ayah cakap, yang ayah marah, yang ayah bebel, itu semua utk kebaikan kau jugak. kenapa kau kene salah kan ayah setiap kali kau gagal dlm ape yg kau nk buat sedangkn kau yg xnk berusaha, dan x sanggup nk konon nye hidup tanpa kwn2. dkt mana pon ayah hntr kau belajar kalau kau yg xberubah mmg mcm ni je lh smpai bila2. ayah tu bagi nasihat sebagai seorang ayah, bkn mcm kwn2 kau yg nasihat ke arah utk menyenang kn hati mereka sendiri. kau xsedar ke yg kawan tu dtg dan pergi dan mmg betul pun ape yang ayah ckp selama ni.

why is it so hard for you to give them at least one thing that they hope from you? why is it so hard for you to stay there just for another few months and make them happy. you are not going to die because of few sacrifices you are going to make in ths few months left of your entire life. they are the one who are going to die. our parents are not getting younger my brother, they are getting older, and we dont know when they will closes their eyes. and before that time comes, dont you want to see them smile for you? for your success?

so plis stay. and continue just for another few months. if you want ayah to respect you, you hv to gain it. and stop complaining of wht you dont have, when you have so much to be grateful of. im writing this because i care, and because u are my brother. i know i cnt do much. bt at least when u read this, u'll at least realise few things that u nvr realise before. if u cnt speak to ayah on how u feel, u know u'll always hv ibu and kami.

p/s: the joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears. they cannot utter the one, nor will they utter the other.

deeper conversation.

*hanya lh perbualan kosong keluarga*

yesterday

_________________________________

ayah: akak kt mane tu bising nye bunyi?

me: dlm auto keluar beli barang jap.

ayah: oh mlm2 baru nk pg beli?

*time tu pukul 7 x mlm sgt pon sbnrnye*

me: nk smpai rumh dh ni..

ayah: hati2 kt luar tu. nah ckp ngn ibu.

ibu: buat ape tu?

me: tgh dlm auto keluar pg barang jap td.

ibu: ayang mlm2 boleh keluar ke? hish, bahaya lh, blk cepat2 siket tau.

me: *xdgr perkataan ayang tu sbb bising* laaa kenapa xboleh pulak? bkn asrama pon? ye ye..nk smpai rumah dh ni.

ibu: ha ok. ibu tgh mkn kt luar ni. take care. lv u.

me: ok. lv u too. kirim salam semua.

later that night

_________________________________

eja: akak kau perasan x ibu pnggl kau ayang td?

reenlicious: huh? mana ade lh?

eja: iye lh..dia ingt kn dia tgh ckp ngn tirah tau x.

reenlicious: laaa ye ke..patot lh dia tanye aku boleh keluar ke mlm2. pelik jugak, tp layan kn je. HAHAH.

eja: ha ok cpt ajar aku math ni.

*sy pon ajar eja math thru ym*

today

__________________________________

it was 6 in the evening and i just woke up from a short nap and my parents call again.

ayah: baru bgn tido ke? *oh ayah mmg selalu dpt kesan suara sy wlpun sy selalu buat ehemmm3 nk betul kn suara konon2 nk ckp tgh study ke ape bg dia sejuk hati dgr*

me: ha'ah..penat lh tp mmg dh bgn dh.

ayah: ha ayah tgh kt luar ni cari eja punye seluar KRS. macam2 eja ni. ni ibu nk ckp.

me: ok!

ibu: akak tau x smlm ibu ingtkn ibu ckp ngn tirah..rupa2 nye ckp ngn akak? akak xperasan ke ibu pnggl akak ayang? *ayang tu name manje utk athirah* lps call akak tu ayah call tirah pulak, pastu ibu mcm, eh td ibu ckp ngn siapa??

me: ya allah ibu ni...patut lh ibu tanye boleh ke keluar mlm tu?? akak xdgr pulak ibu pnggl ayang. hish belum 45 lg, HAHAHA *saje usik dia*

ibu: ha tu lh pasal * dia gelak jugak*. suara korang mcm dh same je ibu dgr.

_________________________________________

in this case of wrong identification between me n my sister, tey, i would probably say, ayah is at fault. HAHAH. u know one of ayah's habits is passing the phone to ibu *yang time tu ntah tgh masak ke ape ke* n say that "ha ni anak kesayangan awk nk ckp" *as in dia ada sorang anak je* hahah. kesian ibu terpinga2 main ckp je. ok enough about the conversation.

well when ibu said that my voice is almost similar with tey, i suddenly miss her. there may be few things we hv in common, bt the differences are a lot more to tell. *which im going to tell later* i miss my family, i miss tey, and i cnt wait to go back.

si gemok saya, aku rindu weihhh.

p/s: parents who are always giving their children nothing but the best,usually wind up with nothing but the worst.

stay with me.

All my sorrows flew away,
Hush keep quiet hear me say
I don't ever want you to go
Please stay

With the moonlight dancing free
And there's no one but you and me
There's no reason to go astray
Please stay

am i asking too much?

i go for abstract this time :)

##eventho i hvnt recieved my allowance for this month, i really feel like going somewhere jst to hv a walk or at least windowshop. so!! i immediately call piya, and without any hesitation she said yess to join me! *terima kasih byk2 :)* hahaha. i was actually planning to hv few materials for my baju raya this year. bt since im not going to be in malaysia on first syawal *sbb start cuti beberapa hr slps satu syawal* i might just wear it to class.

##the usual place to hv cheap yet good quality and nice piece of kain saree is nowhere but commercial street. so we went there. it was a very HOT day today, and thank god i bring my wayfarer. since our aim is just to find saree, we dont even enter any shop other than saree boutiques *ya sungguh kental menahan nafsu*. i manage to buy myself six sarees, 3chiffons and 3 cotton sarees, most of it in abstract design. all together, i only spent rs2000 *equivalent to rm165* ok sumpah murah. i told u.


##i go for corak2 abstract this time because i wntd to try something new. it may look not very nice for now, bt im sure once my saree turns into a decent baju kurung, everyone will envy me. *oh it happens all the times* HAHAHA :)


##so! ada siapa2 nk tempah kain baju kurung dr saya? saya x tipu. cantek2 baju kt sini. murah pulak tu. saya pernah terfikir nk buat perniagaan saree. ibu pon galakkan. dia ckp boleh jual dkt kawan2 dia and all my aunties. mungkin saya xreti lg kot nk jual2 ni. perhaps abang can help with the management? hmmm nnti2 lh. banyak benda lain yg saya kene beri prioriti :)


##sy sgt berpuas hati hari ini! titik.


p/s: A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.